Some parents think in order to teach their kids how to be respectful, they will have to be tough, harsh, and strict. On the other hand, others think they have to make them as strong as they can. But in reality, when being tough with your kids in order for them to be respectful, you will end up making them more afraid than polite. And when making strong for nothing, they will end up being selfish and maybe bullies too. This is why understanding that finding your balance as a parent, and understanding the meaning of respectability will help you reflect on how is it important for your kids to have those traits.
Types of Respect
Self-Respect: If your kids can’t respect themselves, knowing that everything starts with them, they wouldn’t be able to understand and value the meaning of it. Knowing that they have rights to personal space, to be treated well, and to be respected will definitely help them do the same for others.
Respecting the elderly: You have to explain to your kids how speaking and treating those who are much older than us has to be different from how we treat our friends for example. Our tone, tolerance, and language have to be extra polite than usual.
Respecting Property: Either it’s a public or private one, you need to teach your kids that their school is a public property that they need to respect, they can destroy it on purpose or hurt it in any way or another. A simple exercise to elaborate that but with private properties is to like your kid to borrow something from one of his/her siblings while giving it back with as good as new after a certain deadline. This will teach your kid to take good care of other people’s stuff.
Respecting Time: Punctuality is a vital aspect when it comes to even us as adults. Seeing how punctual you are as a parent will encourage your kid to be like you. They will make sure to do their homework on time, eat on time, and sleep on time. If they are certain that you won’t hesitate a second in applying those rules, they will definitely end up being punctual.
Respecting Parents: This will help them understand the value you add to their lives and the sacrifices you are constantly doing for them. It will show them why Allah ordered this much appreciation and respect to the parents. You should teach them the right way to talk to you and their dad, the good acts to do, and even the appropriate tone of voice. Earn their respect so they would be doing it on purpose and not just out of fear.
How to plant respect into your kids’ DNA?
Parents face a lot of problems when facing their kids’ stubborn attitudes at different ages. And even if they apply all the previous tips and tricks, it could not work out at the end of the day. Maybe it just did not, maybe you started this journey late, but in case things did not go the right way, you should try this:
– Be their role model: Even if you plan a thousand plans, take hundreds of parenting courses, and make sure you’re the perfect mom, your kids won’t apply to any of it if they can see it in YOU! If you are asking them to be what you’re not, you will fail.
– Respect is not fear: Don’t put strict boundaries that your kid is afraid to tell you if they made a mistake. One of the biggest rules of respect is doing it because it’s the right attitude to have, not because you are afraid. You fail as a parent if your kids have to lie to you in order to earn your respect.
– Teach him self-respect: Knowing that respecting yourself and having your own boundaries is as important as respecting others will bend your kids’ perspective into taking the right decisions for him/herself and not for others. So even if nobody is their witness, Allah is!
– Teach him polite responses: “Thank you”, “Please”, “If you may” are some words that people no longer pay attention to! By saying it in your daily life as a parent and by talking to your kids this way, they will be able to be that polite in no time.
– Set Boundaries: This will help you get to understand what you desire for them to be. A detailed instruction will help them know that you care about punctuality, respecting the elder, and so on. This will make them get a glimpse of what’s in your head instead of guessing what’s right and what’s not.
– Complement your kid: When doing something respectful, make sure your kid knows that you have noticed, give them a compliment, a good job, or a nice move, buddy that was amazing! It will motivate them to do more of this act.
– Respecting Teachers: Knowing how much our teachers have done for us, and how they molded our characters and forecasted our careers, you should teach your kid how to talk, and react to their teachers. They deserve to be praised and respected for what they have been doing for your kid.
What to do if your kid is disrespectful?
Parents face a lot of problems when facing their kids’ stubborn attitudes at different ages. And even if they apply all the previous tips and tricks, it could not work out at the end of the day. Maybe it just did not, maybe you started this journey late, but in case things did not go the right way, you should try this:
– Communicate: Listen to how things went on your kids’ day, how is their mental health going, and what’s going on in their minds. This will help you grow a strong bond between you and them, in order to get all the recent updates in their lives. If they do a certain action that you consider disrespectful, for example, they have raised their voice on their grandpa, and you talked to them quietly to get what’s up, you might discover that your father has bullied them unintentionally. All you need to do is communicate.
– Use Empathy: Your kid’s actions are a result of what’s going on with them. Studies have shown that bullies have been bullied themselves at home, this is why when a kid bullies another, teachers suspect a pattern of domestic violence. Be empathetic and your kid will definitely open up to you.
– Keep it calm: You don’t have to react to every single action done by your kids, you just need to be calm and keep it together. This will help you control the situation and teach your kid to also do the same when feeling angry.
– Analyze: Why did my kid suddenly shout? Maybe I interrupted something important to them. Why did he/she prefer to eat alone instead of eating with us? Maybe because earlier I compared him/her to someone else. We, as parents, make mistakes as well, nobody is perfect, just understand that not everything is your kids’ fault, you are human too.
– We’re just humans: Understand that your kid doesn’t have to be perfect. You’re both learning on the way; you are trying to be a better mom as much as they are trying to be a good kid. Don’t take away from them their right to be wrong, instead, help them make mistakes, help them set things right when they go wrong and they will turn up to be respectful.