The rewarding system has been there since the beginning of dawn, you do good you get a gift, you mess up, things go wrong! And with our kids growing up around us, it became a necessity to teach them that every action has a reaction, and each time they break the rules, they have to stand up for the conscious.
This is when parents started to tend to unhealthy ways of punishments at first, not knowing how this would end up, bringing up a messed up generation, conveying that physical and verbal hurt is okay, imagine how this generation would look like? A person who saw that violence is the answer will always use it as a solution.
Why do kids need to be stubborn?
Aside from being just human who struggles when being under stress; there are some psychological reasons behind why our kids use that stubborn behavior usually, this is when therapists and phycology professors explain why and when:
- Attention-Seeking: Not giving your kid enough quality time will end up leaving him looking for unusual ways of getting your attention back. If yelling, screaming, and being stubborn is one of them, your kid is definitely going to use it as an attention-seeking method. How to reverse this? Simply spend enough quality time with your kid, hear them out, ask them about their day, go out on a walk, arrange a movie night date… etc.
- Domestic Violence: If your kid is facing abuse at home, 90% he will turn up as a bully, harassing kids at school, starting fights, and even disrespecting teachers. Using violence and outdated techniques of punishing your kid is going to backfire on you. This will raise up a kid who doesn’t know the basics of respect. So instead of humiliating, insulting, and hitting your kid, use the approaches and techniques to reinforce respectful habits for a respectful child.
- Being Bullied: If you noticed your kid is being spacey lately, preferring to eat alone, or quieter than usual, it’s probably because they have been bullied at school. This is why one of the actions that will help you know if your kids are being bullied before things elevate is to have a regular conversation with them, check-in if things are going okay or not, and ask them about how their day went.
- You’re stubborn too: Whether you like it or not, you’re your kid’s first love, superhero, and role model. They imitate and mirror your actions, so be careful how you react around them. If you have anger issues, your kid will end up having them too, if you are violent, your kid is going to use violence whenever they need it. It’s up to you to start a positive change in your family, and it has to start with you.
Healthy ways to ground your kid
Before taking you through the perfect ways of punishing or grounding your kid, there are three points that will magnify the effect of grounding; on top of them is allowing your kid to know that their actions are bad not them, they have done something that deserves grounding for, but that doesn’t mean they’re bad people. Another thing is not to be tempted by their constant crying; once they smell that this is your weakness, they are going to use it on and on again. Also, grounding them doesn’t mean you stop loving them, they need to know it, hear it, and also feel it.
1- Grounding Chair: One of the modern ways of grounding your kid is the naughty corner or grounding chair, both ideas revolve around having a pre-determined space, where your kid knows it’s where they get grounded. It gives them time to revisit what they did wrong, and think about the consequences.
The silver lining of grounding your kid without the need to physically or verbally hurt them, and at the same time sending them a message that this behavior is not acceptable. On the other hand, if isolating your kid for a long period of time in that chair or corner, they will feel abandoned, lonely, and scared, so find your balance, and make sure your kid can see you while being grounded on that chair.
2- Taking away their favorite activities: The, cellphone, tablet, TV, and anything your kid enjoys could be used as a double-aged weapon, where they can’t use if they’re naughty. You need to previously determine the fair duration, where you make sure you don’t either overreact or underestimate the actions of your kid.
3- Extra home chores: Give them more chores to do, so instead of being responsible for making the dinner table, they can also do the dishes, for example, fold the laundry, or make sure the living room is tidied.