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How to Master Your Children’s 5 Languages of Love?

When do you feel like your heart is pounding? Is it when spending some quality time with family, hugging your children, hearing the words “I love you, mom”, receiving help when needed, or a surprise gift out of the blue. These are the 5 languages of love for both adults and children according to the American Author Gary Chapman, whose book “The 5 Languages of Love” has hit #1 New York Times best international bestseller for the year 2009.

And because our children’s needs don’t differ much from ours, even if it’s much more complicated, the 5 languages of love pointed out by Chapman are shared by us all, we need all of them to survive, but what makes us different from each other is how we rank them from the most to the least language preferred. But before we dig deeper than that, what are the 5 languages of love?

It’s how we want to be loved, the way of communication that shows us that we matter, whether it’s our partner, parents, children, or even friends. When we notice that the other person is trying things out our way, we subconsciously get attracted to them, that’s why Chapman listed the love languages as the following:

Quality Time: Giving someone your undivided attention and having the same for you is one of the most famous love languages of all time. If all that matters to you are sitting with your family, having a nice conversation, then this is your love language for you. A person whose love language is quality time is known to be loyal, a family person, and has a special warmth to them.

Physical Touch: If all you need sometimes is a hug, or someone holding your hands whenever you’re having a bad time, then your main love language is physical touch. It’s the number one language for children, especially infants, all they want is to be held 24/7. A person who loves physical touch is someone secretive, sensitive, and cares much about others.

Affirmation Words: We all feel that pride whenever we hear the words of love and affirmation, but there are some people who really feel on top of the world when hearing the words “Thank you”, “You’re amazing”, “I am proud of you”, those type of people recharge their energy by hearing such words.  The ones whose main love language is words of affirmation are most likely kind, easy to please, and always keen on looking fabulous.

Acts of Services: Despite the importance of the previously mentioned languages, some people don’t consider affection and love unless the other person shows it in the act of service. It’s only when they witness someone is trying to leave out some burden off their shoulders is when they feel loved. The ones who prefer acts of service over any other love language are known to be practical, hard workers, and faithful people.

Gifts: People tend to think that if you love getting gifts this means you are super materialistic, while those who have gift-receiving on top of their love languages are more considered with the meaning behind the gift and not just how much does it cost, it could be a rose or a card that says how much you love them. They are known to be tender, lively, and into life.

The Importance of Raising Your Children with Love

Every child has their own emotional container that makes them feel accepted, loved, and important, which later on is reflected in their self-esteem. This is why while every parent is busy planning a strict upbringing plan, and choosing their children’s educational future, they tend to forget about how they will make them feel loved.

Which is more important, their grades, or their mental health? Their physical health or how punctual they are at school all-time long? Love languages help us, as parents, to cultivate our children’s future, shape their thinking, and fill their emotional containers to the fullest.

And in order for you to understand the love language of your children, you need to observe and notice their reactions most of the time. Tie their reactions with what they liked more, if your child is over the moon when you said “I love you” or “Thank you”, this means they are the type that loves words of kindness and affirmation, and if they are super excited when receiving a gift then you have your answer.

After defining the love language of your child, you only show love and affection through it, all the 5 languages are valid and cause the right balance to your children’s mental health, you just need to rank them and act accordingly.

There is also an important note that states that the main love language of your child can change with time, where you notice that in the first three years of your child’s life, they prefer physical touch, while from the age of 3-5 they love quality time, while when they hit 7 years old to 19 years old they tend to enjoy gifts more. So be ready to observe and accept the change, it’s totally normal.

You can also visit the website of the bestselling book “The 5 Languages of Love” by Gary Chapman, and do the little test that shows you the ranking of the 5 love languages to you and your child, where you answer some questions that put you in different situations and see what would you prefer more? Click on this link to take the test NOW!